Is Falling Short the Same as Losing?

November 30, 2011 by

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you can’t do anything right? Or a day (or week, or month) when you feel like you break everything you touch?

A kind of day where it’s the first snow, you don’t have a winter coat or gloves available to wear, and your bulldogges lock you out of your car.

These are the days that make it very hard to stay positive and keep looking toward the stars, but they are the days we most need to do that.

After returning to work in April of this year, I’ve had a hard time balancing my writing time with the time I must devote to the family business. I knew if I was going to hold on to this piece of me I needed to get back into the writing-every-day habit. For that reason, I decided to take a stab at NaNoWriMo this year. Though I held the 50,000 word goal out in front of me like a carrot, I admitted to myself this was all about reestablishing good work habits. It was about putting words on the page everyday, even when I didn’t want to.

As promised, I am revealing my progress here today.  I ended up writing 30,551 words. I will most likely have the opportunity to write later today — after my work day — but do not anticipate adding more than 2,000 words to that total. So, I did fall short of the “big prize.” I also fell short of the mini-goal. While I wrote a lot more days this month than I have since March 1, I did not write every day.

I see on Twitter people announcing that they “Wwon” as they cross the 50K line, and I do applaud each and every one of them. It’s an amazing accomplishment. What I refuse to do is say “I lost.”

Losing is not even trying. Losing is giving up instead of pushing forward. Losing is not falling a little short.

How did all of you NaNo, writerly types end up doing?

Filed Under: Life, NaNoWriMo, Writing Life Tagged With: , , , , ,

Being Thankful / Nano Update

November 28, 2011 by

A couple of weeks ago I began planning a post for Thursday of last week. The not-so-original topic was to be “what I am thankful for.” Normally, I try not to stumble into the per-fabricated boxes, especially here on this blog, but I’d had an eye-opening conversation with someone who made me realize that my glass-half-empty attitude toward life wasn’t cool nor justified.I’ve spent a good percentage of this year worrying, mostly about money and the unpredictable future. On this particular day — a Friday — I was at my desk in the office going through my normal routine: paying bills for both my household and the business and working on the upcoming week’s budget. A conversation was struck up with someone who was doing the same thing, and a casual comment that was made about how much money he had left after paying his bills sent me reeling.

I thought things were tough for me, but they are so much worse for so many others.

It’s oh-so-easy to look at a half-empty glass and wish it were full. Being pessimistic can come natural, but it’s important, I believe, to take stock of what’s good.  We’ve been blessed. We may have hit some very large bumps in the past year, but we still have work. We’re still making an income that provides for my family.

We have our health.

And I have a wonderful network of friends and family that have been a rock of emotional support for me.

For all these things I’m not only thankful but very blessed.

So, why didn’t this post — or the one I began writing two weeks ago — get published last Thursday? Early Thursday morning I received some news that can only be compared to getting a swift kick in the stomach. The disappointment was made doubly worse by the timing. There was no reason it had to be delivered on Thanksgiving, but it was. The only way I felt I could move forward was to unplug myself from the internet, throw myself into cooking, and surround myself with family.

Friday evening a knock out punch came that laid me out flat. The lesson I’d been taught a couple of weeks ago had fluttered away and I was back in the depths of despair. The mere idea of publishing a post about being thankful seemed ludicrous and fake. If nothing else, I’m going to be true to myself on these pages.

Progress report: I have a two-day moping rule. Forty-eight hours in the maximum time I’m allowed to wallow in my own pain and self medicate with chocolate and coffee. After that, I’m required to pull up the big girl panties and go back to work. Yesterday, I took some positive steps that I hope will lead to some progress with my goals. Today, I’m moving forward. Today, I am thankful.

***

Nano Update: Last week I was consumed with the day job. The time to produce words was pretty thin and I fell woefully behind on the 50k goal. I was able to hit my smaller goal of working most days and played ‘catch up’ over the weekend, producing 4,500 words. I have to look over the whole picture a bit later today, but am pretty sure pushing myself to reach 50k would only add stress that I don’t need and encourage me to puke words instead of write them. I do  understand that a big part of Nano is about getting words on the page that can be edited later, I really don’t want to let myself sink to a words for the sake of words mentality.

The meter on the right, does not reflect last week’s production. I hope to have it updated by noon today. On Wednesday (month’s end) I will give a final report here.

Filed Under: Life, NaNoWriMo, Writing Life Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Tune in Tomorrow…

November 23, 2011 by

Given the time of the year, I ask you to tune in tomorrow for a special Thanksgiving post.

Thank you.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

What I Watched: J Edgar

November 21, 2011 by

What I Read/Watched is my (almost) weekly series detailing a writing lesson I learned from something I watched or read. It is not my intention to divulge spoilers, but sometimes it might be necessary to explain the lesson.

I really enjoy biographies, and if they can mix in a little American History, all the better.  A few weeks ago, while at another movie, I saw a preview for J. Edgar and it was immediately noted on my “Must-see” list.

I could go on for a full post about the content of this movie, which I did enjoy very much, but the writing lesson I took away from this movie had more to do with how the story was told.

First of all, it was told in a frame-flashback format. Throughout the course of the movie the viewer was taken back and forth between J Edgar in his early years and his later years.  It’s a technique commonly used in movies these days, and one that I personally like, but it is something that can be very difficult to do effectively in novels.

In the hours since seeing the movie, I’ve been mulling around what makes it so effective in one medium and not-so-much in the other.  I’m not sure I have a solid answer to that question as of yet, but I do think I have an understanding of why it was effective in this movie in particular.  There was always a single event that served as bridge between the two segments of time. Either something happened in his early days that directly affected the later-in-life scenario, or just the opposite. Because of those bridges, the time-jumping felt seamless and I never felt lost or misguided on the journey.

But there was a second item/plot point that I did find confusing.

One of the very first lines of the film is, essentially, “there are two sides to every story.” A true enough statement. Throughout the movie, the elder Hoover is dictating what is to become his memoir to various agents/typists. These dictations are often the bridge used to flashbacks.  Late in the movie, his closest business associate and companion “calls him out” on all the lies told. He quickly rattles of a shopping list of what’s “just not true.”

I’m of the school that when telling a story you shouldn’t lie to your reader (/viewer) and for a moment felt tilted off-balance because, even though we were told up front that there are two sides to every story, I wanted to believe I was seeing what really happened. I think it was done this way to emphasize J Edgar’s persona, but I wonder if there could have been a better way to present that without purposely leading the viewer down a blind path.

Though the point of this column is not to recommend of review the movie, it is one I would suggest you see, especially if you like biographies and/or US history.

 

Filed Under: Fiction, Writing Life Tagged With: , , , ,

Crawling Toward Goals

November 16, 2011 by

A couple of weeks ago I posted here about starting NaNoWriMo. I talked a bit about how it worked for me in the past, why I chose to do it this year, and I set two goals: an ultimate goal, and an “I’ll settle for this” goal.

 I hesitated even making a secondary or “settle” goal. I feared that if I reached it, I would grow content and become stagnant. Let face it, sometimes settling is easy.

The good part of my lower goal was that it required me to be active all month. It didn’t give me permission to stop. I had to write every day.

So, now that we’ve passed the mid-month point, I thought I would share a progress report on those goals and my “NaNo Novel”

In total word count, I’m a little shy of the half-way mark, teetering around 24,000 words. (50,000 words by month’s end is the ultimate goal.) The good news: that end goal has not slipped past the achievable mark yet. It is still in reach and the missed words can (and will!) be made up before the end of the month. The (not so) bad news: it’s going to take commitment and a day or two of being chained to the laptop to make it happen.

In my write every day goal, I’ve only missed two days so far this month. For me, this is tremendous progress over where I was before November 1. Now, instead of letting my circumstances control me, I’m reminding myself that I’m the one in the driver’s seat and on most days I’ve been able to squeeze in at least a chuck of time to devote to my writing.

The novel process itself? I’m feeling good about it. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been in a “first draft” mode. At first, I had a really hard time remembering and honoring my process. Accepting the fact that when the story is developing, the words that are oozing from my head to the keyboard are not the prettiest. My characters will be spinning circles and doing some passive things. But that is because the story is developing. As soon as I remembered a first draft to a pantster is like an outline to a plotter, I was able to push through. I just keep reminding myself “We’ll make that pretty later.”

I’ve reached the point in the story where my hero and heroine have declared they’re going to face their mutual problem together, head-on. They’re falling for each other, but there is an even more powerful pull working to keep them apart. It’s like wading through a big pool of mud, and it’s the ‘fun part’ of the story for me.

So, like the picture up top, NaNoWriMo has been a process for me. My expectations are playing out like I hoped they would. As I learn to get up and run again, I’m accepting the fact that crawling is forward motion too.

Filed Under: Fiction, Life, NaNoWriMo, Writing Life Tagged With: , , ,

The Importance of Song

November 14, 2011 by

My usual morning routine includes a light breakfast and my first cup of coffee while watching Good Morning America. This morning was no different. For the last few days they’ve been previewing Diane Sawyer’s interview with Gabby Gifford, the congresswoman who was shot in the head while speaking.

I was already anticipating tuning in for this story of courage and hope, but the teaser that they showed this morning, piqued my interest even more. They promised to show how music and song played a huge role in her recovery.

In part, I find this to be fascinating, but I also can’t say I’m completely shocked.

Music has a way of touching on emotions. Once a person has associated a specific event with a particular song, all it takes is the first few notes to bring back all the emotions associated with the event.  I can’t hear “Can’t Help falling In Love” without thinking of my wedding day. The first few notes of “She’s in Love With the Boy” will always call up the image of my toddler son sitting in his car seat singing along with the radio.

Music also helps me define my characters. When I’m having trouble making them three-dimensional, I start thinking about what kind of music they like. What song, when it comes on the radio, cuts them to the bone or can make them remember the best day of their lives.

That music/emotion connection is so human it makes them more real in my mind to know if they dig the blues or are more a grunge kind of person.

Today I’m sharing a few of my characters favorite songs from current works in progress. I’d be interested to know if, based on song, you can paint a picture of who they are inside.

This first one just came to me the other day. When this song rotated up on my iPod from Better Than Ezra, I realized this is what Chase from Shifted is all about.

Breathless

My heroine, Gwen, from the same story was a little harder to get a focus on, but I’ve lately discovered she likes Hal Ketchum’s Softer than a Whisper.

From Ultimate Catch, my hero Keller digs on the Beach Boys. This song, When I Grow Up to Be a Man, plays a pivotal role.

Filed Under: Fiction, Life, Music, Writing Life Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Honoring Veterans, Not Just For Today

November 11, 2011 by

Today I’m taking a break here from my ramblings about my life as a wife, mother and writer to honor the day.  Honoring those who have served, and those who do serve, to protect the great freedoms this country has to offer is something that should be done everyday, but I do think it’s wonderful that there is a national day of remembrance.

Filed Under: Life Tagged With: , , , ,

An Extra Helping of Self-Esteem, Please

November 9, 2011 by

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ”  Eleanor Roosevelt

That quote by Eleanor Roosevelt is one of my favorites, but boy, some days it can be hard to remember and embrace it.

I talk a lot on this blog about how choosing to pursue a career in any of the arts is difficult. Not only do you have to work very hard to rise to the top of a very competitive business, but you have to develop thick skin and get used to hearing “no” so often.

The ability to not take all those “no thank yous” and mentally translate them to “You’re just not good enough,” or even worse, “boy, you stink” is a hard skill to develop.

We are all human, after all. Even if we are successful at developing that leather-like outer coating, inside we’re still a pool of emotions. Most often, that pool is deep and wide and pretty turbulent because of all the rejection we set ourselves up for.

I don’t pretend to have all the answers here. I suffer from hits to the self-esteem just like the rest of us, but I know at the end of the day (and a handful of peanut butter M&Ms) that the only real answer is to push forward. The quote from Ms. Roosevelt makes it a little easier. We can be hard enough on ourselves, don’t let the opinions of others shadow our self-image.

Filed Under: Life, NaNoWriMo, Writing Life Tagged With: ,

Is the Ending Satisfying?

November 7, 2011 by

Today I’m at the MVRWA Group Blog talking about how a story ends. What does it need to contain to qualify as a happily ever after. If the ending isn’t what you expected, can that spoil the whole story for you.

… Whether we’re reading a book or watching a movie, we expect to be taken on a journey. Whether it’s action packed or tugs on our heart string, we stick with it for three hundred plus pages or two hours because we want to know how it ends, and that ending needs to be a satisfying conclusion to the journey we’re being led on…

(Continue reading)

Filed Under: Fiction, MVRWA, Writing Life Tagged With: , , ,

The Power of One Little Voice

November 4, 2011 by

There’s a symbiotic relationship between writing and rejection. It tends to make me wonder if we’re all a masochist at heart. The road to success in a creative business like this or acting or singing, is filled with big, huge boulders and large, crator-like potholes. Those who travel it often wind up with scraped knees and broken hearts.

But, as with most things in life, there’s a flip side to the coin.

And that’s the power of an encouraging word.

I mention my RWA Chapter, MVRWA, here often and sing the praises of these people who are kind, encouraging and helpful in guiding every writer through every stage of his or her career. The value of their support and encouragement is immeasurable and I’m forever grateful, but it was encouragement from a different source that had me taking a deep breath and shaking off the shadows of doubt that had taken up residence in my self-conscious lately.

Back in September I entered two contests. I’ve been expecting to hear results this week, and was disheartened to learn I did not final in one of the two. When the score sheets and comments came in from the judges late night, I hesitated to even look at them. I was concerned about what one more voice of dissention could do to me right now. I’ve been teetering on a ledge and it might be enough to make me jump.

Instead, it was the positive encouragement of one judge’s voice that reminded my why we chose to travel perilous roads to begin with. That ability to touch another person with our words, engage them in a story, and  take them on a journey with you are wonderful things.

And that lone voice of encouragement not only brightened my day, but reassured me that giving up on the adventure wasn’t a viable option.

Filed Under: Life, MVRWA, Writing Life Tagged With: , , , ,
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